How To Become A Smoker
A response to Phi, though tangentially involving a subject that I've been considering a post on for a while (for non-smoking writers who want to write characters that smoke).
As with others, I would seriously recommend against going this route. It's not just lung cancer that you have to worry about. There's also the prospect of spending your golden years carrying around an oxygen tank. Smoking also exacerbates a number of other health problems (I got pneumonia when, with a less occupied immune system, I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been heavily smoking at the time). With that out of the way...
I would go cheap, if you can. You can always go from cheap to more expensive, but I've found it hard to go the other way. In between the expensive name brands and cheap-arse no-names are some rather good mid-range products. USA Gold do not taste any different to me than Marlboros. Liggett and Maverick pack a punch. If you're looking for something less strong, Doral and Pall Mall are among the best (and most affordable) of the "weak brands." If you go below that, it'll seem like you're smoking air. On the other hand, if you prefer weakness, it might be better to go with Star Scientific or Gold One than Marlboro Ultra Lights due to the significantly lower price.
Though they have some stigma among white men because they are primarily smoked by women and blacks, menthols are preferred by some early smokers because of their sweet taste. They also mitigate the unpleasantness for people that smoke but don't like the taste of cigarettes very much. Cloves are another alternative, I think (I say "I think" because they might have been banned). I don't like them, but the smell tends to go over better with non-smokers, mitigating concerns about the odor. They're more expensive, though.
My preference is for cigarettes primarily because they're omnipresent (as oppose to pipes), you can use them in short stints, and they're inexpensive. On the other hand, cigars will make you less likely to develop a habit. For cigarettes, you hold the cigarette in between your index and middle fingers, not between your index and thumb. Contrary to what you see on TV, you do not leave the cigarette in your mouth while smoking. I don't know what good it does, but generally speaking I smoke without inhaling. You still get the high that way, but without as much throat irritation.
Also, get the box rather than the soft back if you can. The prices are the same and cigarettes in the soft packs are more likely to get damaged. Some people prefer short-packs and some long-packs (100's or, in the case of Camel, 99's). You get more bang for your buck from the long packs, which take longer to smoke but cost the same. Short packs are more conveniently sized, though, and typically have shorter filters.
You don't need to get one of those really nice, refillable lighters, but don't get one of those cheap, translucent ones, either unless it's one of those 10/$2 things and you're prone to misplace things. Ovular Bics are probably the best. Check your pockets before doing wash. Don't get the little bitty lighters as they're most inclined to get lost, don't last long, and make it more likely you will burn your fingers. All of this holds triply true if you're in a place with any wind.
There are several things about the smell. First, the biggest enemy is prolonged exposure (without washing). It's ideal to wash your hands and face after each time you smoke. If you wait for the end of the day, it's less likely you will "get the smell out" without a full-blown shower. The hands are the most important thing (especially if you don't have facial hair). The same goes for clothes. Obviously, it's impractical to change your clothes after every cigarette, but if you're not in the routine of changing clothes each and every day, you need to start. The same goes for showering. Except for outerwear or any sort of repeat-wear, you're fine washing it with regular clothing.
Regarding outerwear and repeat-wear (this includes jeans for some people), the best thing to do is to have specific outer-wear for smoking in. I have a "smoking jacket" and a "regular jacket." If you're not wearing outerwear, there's no problem because you're always changing clothes. But since you wear a jacket all the time, the smell can get so ingrained that it's harder to get out. It can always be done, but you want to limit the number of times you put anything with a zipper through the wash because the zipper gets warped in the dryer (and without a dryer, heavy stuff takes forever to dry out).
Also, you can buy some Febreez. Unlike some sprays, Febreez is more of a deodorizer rather than something that introduces a smell. If you try something that tries to cover a bad smell with a good smell, you end up carrying the bad smell. Anyone who has been trapped in the elevator with a heavy smoker wearing cologne can attest to this. Febreez keeps that to a minimum.
The good news is that, given time and treatment, you can get the smell out of just about anything. I smoked in my old car for years and it took less than a couple of months before the smell was entirely gone. The big exception seems to be watches. The smell sticks to watches (maybe anything leather) and cleaning solutions are not easy to come by. This is especially true in warm weather when you're not wearing a jacket. Made even moreso by me because I hold my cigarette in my opposite-hand, the wrist of which my watch lays.
I'm probably the last person to give advice on how not to get addicted, but my main advice in that regard is to compartmentalize it as best you can. Decide beforehand what times and places are appropriate. Don't do it while doing something else (driving, working, even listening to music). Both Mom and I had some success in limiting our smoking on this basis.
I have no good advice on breath and teeth. The good news is that it's pretty easy to get your teeth whitened these days. I think Altoids live and die based on smokers. The breath-smell comes and goes based on time and frequency. If you smoke irregularly, you need to worry a lot less than if you smoke a lot. A couple cigarettes in the morning will be gone by the evening with some gum or Altoids, but a pack a day can take a couple days to go away no matter what you do. If you don't presently use it, I would recommend using mouth-wash, the smell of which overwhelms just about anything. There are also certain foods that take over your breath (pepperoni, garlic), but the cure can be worse than the disease.
Direct all responses here.
As with others, I would seriously recommend against going this route. It's not just lung cancer that you have to worry about. There's also the prospect of spending your golden years carrying around an oxygen tank. Smoking also exacerbates a number of other health problems (I got pneumonia when, with a less occupied immune system, I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been heavily smoking at the time). With that out of the way...
I would go cheap, if you can. You can always go from cheap to more expensive, but I've found it hard to go the other way. In between the expensive name brands and cheap-arse no-names are some rather good mid-range products. USA Gold do not taste any different to me than Marlboros. Liggett and Maverick pack a punch. If you're looking for something less strong, Doral and Pall Mall are among the best (and most affordable) of the "weak brands." If you go below that, it'll seem like you're smoking air. On the other hand, if you prefer weakness, it might be better to go with Star Scientific or Gold One than Marlboro Ultra Lights due to the significantly lower price.
Though they have some stigma among white men because they are primarily smoked by women and blacks, menthols are preferred by some early smokers because of their sweet taste. They also mitigate the unpleasantness for people that smoke but don't like the taste of cigarettes very much. Cloves are another alternative, I think (I say "I think" because they might have been banned). I don't like them, but the smell tends to go over better with non-smokers, mitigating concerns about the odor. They're more expensive, though.
My preference is for cigarettes primarily because they're omnipresent (as oppose to pipes), you can use them in short stints, and they're inexpensive. On the other hand, cigars will make you less likely to develop a habit. For cigarettes, you hold the cigarette in between your index and middle fingers, not between your index and thumb. Contrary to what you see on TV, you do not leave the cigarette in your mouth while smoking. I don't know what good it does, but generally speaking I smoke without inhaling. You still get the high that way, but without as much throat irritation.
Also, get the box rather than the soft back if you can. The prices are the same and cigarettes in the soft packs are more likely to get damaged. Some people prefer short-packs and some long-packs (100's or, in the case of Camel, 99's). You get more bang for your buck from the long packs, which take longer to smoke but cost the same. Short packs are more conveniently sized, though, and typically have shorter filters.
You don't need to get one of those really nice, refillable lighters, but don't get one of those cheap, translucent ones, either unless it's one of those 10/$2 things and you're prone to misplace things. Ovular Bics are probably the best. Check your pockets before doing wash. Don't get the little bitty lighters as they're most inclined to get lost, don't last long, and make it more likely you will burn your fingers. All of this holds triply true if you're in a place with any wind.
There are several things about the smell. First, the biggest enemy is prolonged exposure (without washing). It's ideal to wash your hands and face after each time you smoke. If you wait for the end of the day, it's less likely you will "get the smell out" without a full-blown shower. The hands are the most important thing (especially if you don't have facial hair). The same goes for clothes. Obviously, it's impractical to change your clothes after every cigarette, but if you're not in the routine of changing clothes each and every day, you need to start. The same goes for showering. Except for outerwear or any sort of repeat-wear, you're fine washing it with regular clothing.
Regarding outerwear and repeat-wear (this includes jeans for some people), the best thing to do is to have specific outer-wear for smoking in. I have a "smoking jacket" and a "regular jacket." If you're not wearing outerwear, there's no problem because you're always changing clothes. But since you wear a jacket all the time, the smell can get so ingrained that it's harder to get out. It can always be done, but you want to limit the number of times you put anything with a zipper through the wash because the zipper gets warped in the dryer (and without a dryer, heavy stuff takes forever to dry out).
Also, you can buy some Febreez. Unlike some sprays, Febreez is more of a deodorizer rather than something that introduces a smell. If you try something that tries to cover a bad smell with a good smell, you end up carrying the bad smell. Anyone who has been trapped in the elevator with a heavy smoker wearing cologne can attest to this. Febreez keeps that to a minimum.
The good news is that, given time and treatment, you can get the smell out of just about anything. I smoked in my old car for years and it took less than a couple of months before the smell was entirely gone. The big exception seems to be watches. The smell sticks to watches (maybe anything leather) and cleaning solutions are not easy to come by. This is especially true in warm weather when you're not wearing a jacket. Made even moreso by me because I hold my cigarette in my opposite-hand, the wrist of which my watch lays.
I'm probably the last person to give advice on how not to get addicted, but my main advice in that regard is to compartmentalize it as best you can. Decide beforehand what times and places are appropriate. Don't do it while doing something else (driving, working, even listening to music). Both Mom and I had some success in limiting our smoking on this basis.
I have no good advice on breath and teeth. The good news is that it's pretty easy to get your teeth whitened these days. I think Altoids live and die based on smokers. The breath-smell comes and goes based on time and frequency. If you smoke irregularly, you need to worry a lot less than if you smoke a lot. A couple cigarettes in the morning will be gone by the evening with some gum or Altoids, but a pack a day can take a couple days to go away no matter what you do. If you don't presently use it, I would recommend using mouth-wash, the smell of which overwhelms just about anything. There are also certain foods that take over your breath (pepperoni, garlic), but the cure can be worse than the disease.
Direct all responses here.
posted by trumwill at 9:48 AM
